This time

I went through this xmas with less happiness. It is because of my body condition, no personal reason, I got flu on the xmas eve thus I could not go to church like I do every year, I mean on xmas eve. I went on morning mass. It was OK. Hard rain is happened everyday and my body ressistant is weak after typus sickness some months ago make me easy to get sick.

Even I missed the joy and cheer of xmas songs, xmas sparkling light but I thought it was not really important. Jesus Christ bornt in the simple place, at animal stall. I thought we should celebrate in simple and pure moment. Since born is great moment, thus I do not mind when everybody wants to mostly celebrate in glamour way, in happiness, love and joy in physical things like new dress, party, eat delicous (expensive?) food as long as they do not forget the meaning of Jesus born itself.

Due my body condition, I tried to take a lot of rest by staying at home, sleeping, but it is a bit bored to do nothing. After going home from church, I bought original brownies for my family home. It was quite sweet for me but I like it because there were rum on it. Then, I asked my daddy to go walking to shopping mall for a while. It was seldom to go walking with him to shopping mall as we often has no enough money to buy something there and it was really hurt for him to go there seeing anything but we cannot buy it. So sensitive daddy. I like to go to shopping mall even though I cannot buy it. I am still enjoyed that sight seeing. Ladies style! So, it is no problem for me to go there without buying anything.

This year I felt it different from last year even though I did the same thing every year on xmas. Maybe because I do not feel hommy at my new room, thus I did not decorate my room with xmas things and sing xmas songs so often. I keep my decoration warm in their boxes. I just bought some gifts for my family. I was glad they like it.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Am I wrong?

Something is bothering me yesterday and keep bugging me today. It was last Saturday conversation between me and my workmate and continued yesterday. She asked something that coming to my privacy. I understood that the question will come up from everybody who doesn't know my family story and I always say something that makes them do not ask again. Person characteristic is different each other. Some can accept our explanation which is entering personal matter, but some will dig and dig untill everything is clear. I am a person who does not want to tell my personal life easily to everybody eventhough they are my best friends. Please asks my friend, I have a lot of close friend but only 1 or 2 or 3 persons knows my personal life.

My friend who asked me last time is a kind of God Servant in her church. She has obligation to help burden people, and she thinks I need to be helped. She try to open my story by telling her story first. But when she tried it, I refused it, deeply refused. I did not want to tell my story to her right now, or maybe forever. maybe because I think she is not capable for me or I think I dont trust her to know my story right now. Or maybe I dont feel this time is not the right time to say about that. At office, I tend to focus on working, not on my personal life as I am afraid it will influence my work. Maybe I will cry or feel angry or frustated or else.

She tried to push me as she said it is for your good sake but again I refuse it. She tried so much to say and I said NO, please do not push me. Lucky she understood and stop it and told another story that made me laughing. Thank you. But what she has done, it is already made me feel uncomfortable to go with her.

Dear God, is it wrong for me to keep my problem in my heart. Is it wrong to only share with You? not to this lady? is it wrong to let my problem in Your Hand. She felt that I am not doing anything, only keep quite, not doing some hard effort. She felt sorry for what I am doing since she felt I can do more and reserve to get more than my condition now, but why I dont do that. Hmm....it is really bugging me, it is the 2nd times. If she tried again for the 3rd times, she will get glass reward, hahaha...

When I told this problem to my best friend, they only said to ignore that question, as if you remember it all the time, you will be sick and feel hurt. I agreed with their point. It is my life, I have right to decide what should I do, who cares what people said, as long as I do not bother them. I do not do something wrong or embarassed against them, why they have to bother me? I dont fully understand but I understand something that it is Indonesia, people like to see other people fault or unusual action and try to jump into it

Anyway, God please help me to guide me through this. Believe you always help me until today. Is it wrong when I choose my own life like this? Is it your plan to send someone to ask me deeply to solve my problem? Please forgive me God as I cannot share with her. Not all problem I can share with friend. Maybe friend A for A topics, friend B for B topics, friend C for C topics and so on. I need to have some trust and confident first....

God Bless Me!

A short journey with short knowledge

Started at 9 o'clock, we went to Madura, to Tanjung Bumi exactly, plan to see and buy Maduranese Batik. Along the way from Suramadu bridge to city we can see some stores who sold batiks with some local handycraft. But we did not stop there as we had another opinion to go on to those area.

Tanjung Bumi is located in north of Bangkalan, is about 45 minutes from city. In our thought, we would see Batik traditional market or at least some stores closed to each other but when we arrived there, we didnt see anything. Only 1-2 stores opens. Others closed. We also did not see some activity making batik in house of inhabitant. We were a bit dissappointed.
asked police station for exact location, it did many times due unclear location

Finally we stopped by at open store, and I think it is the only one store who had activity, and see some batiks. My friends bought some batiks for about 70,000 rupiahs, I was not. Lately I felt rather regret I did not buy there since at the next store at city I could not find any good fabric. here is the banner of one of the store. MJ = michael jackson?

this is what we finally bought. Pamekasan, Tanjung Bumi and maybe Sumenep style too.

choose, think, ask friends opinion. It happened when facing much lovely fabric

great moment and great action. narcis was important, everywhere has to be do narcis!

see and confuse! what should I choose? this one or that one or all of those?

how did we look like? pretty? sure! we were between the batiks

Well, after had some rest including praying at mosque, and had one problem, my friend car stolled on the parking area of mosque and needed to be pushed and fixed, we went to go to Nusa Indah handycraft. No good fabric for me, I didnt like the style. Then I found some dress, but it was also not fix for me, too small, and the other one was a bit dirty and could not be washed by water, I think, since my friend said if it was a "malam" (candle) it could be wiped out by finger. At last, I just bought one t-shirt that had various style, choosen by friends as I had no idea to choose it. My imagination was closed already. Others bought fabric and some snacks.

Finally, eating, eating and eating! same menu different victims - chicken and duck

We ended our short journey by having lunch, great n delicious. It was worth it. I ate much. Then continuing by pushing the car again as it was hard to be started. I was not, as I took a picture of that, My friends did, with a park guy. Such a tough lady! Thumbs for them, hahaha....

Our conclusion after visiting the batiks place that the place has not been exposed as one of famous tourisment place in Madura. I could not easily find in google - our journey dictionary. There is no bilboard to show direction to Tanjung Bumi. From Bangkalan we had to ask to police officer, then along the way also there was no bilboard at all. We could find it when it was about 10 minutes before arriving Tanjung Bumi, and it did not mention about batik centre. So we made any own conclusion like, maybe the maker sells their product to big store outside Madura like to Surabaya or other area. Or their product is not famous like Solo, Yogya, Pekalongan, Cirebon so they do not make in a big party. No idea...
We also had one request, what is the difference between batiks from Tanjung Bumi and batiks from Pamekasan as one of batiks that bought by my friend came from Pamekasan even though she bought at Tanjung Bumi store. Oops I also saw Pekalongan batiks was sold there, hahaha. Maybe it is for their reference to make it different!